By Quentin Fottrell
'With the sale of the house, I was able to pay off some small debts, and now I am 100% debt free'
Dear Quentin,
I wanted to follow up and share an update. I wrote to you last January about my two sons, who were living rent-free in my house, while I paid for 50% of utilities in my second husband's condo. At the time, I wrote: "We all feel stuck, scared and anxious."
Well, I have an update:
With the help of an amazing Realtor, we were able to find the boys a duplex to rent in a very nice part of town and, lucky us, it was priced as student housing. They found a third roommate, and they are all paying their rent and utilities on time. Bonus: they are just 15 minutes away from where I live with my second husband, making it easy to meet up for lunch or dinner. I stopped by recently, and to my surprise, their house was spotless! They have really embraced living on their own, and are stepping up to the challenge. That makes my heart happy.
Additionally, I sold the family house, with their full support. They were there to help me get everything moved out and cleaned up and ready for sale every weekend until it was done. That also makes my momma heart happy. We reminisced about our time there while cleaning things up and out. It was a special time together. It also became clear to me during this process that they really were ready to move out.
Finally, with the sale of the house, I was able to pay off some small debts, and now I am 100% debt-free! Some of the remaining balance funded an emergency savings account and the rest went to my retirement account. With the lower monthly costs of only one household, I am now set to max out my 401(k) and contribute even more to investments above and beyond that. Our financial planner says the Monte Carlo simulation results gave a very high percentage chance of achieving our retirement goals. Man, that feels good!!
It feels wonderful to be in a financially stable position and to know that my boys are embracing independence - both financially and emotionally. "You're ready. I'm ready. I love you. Let's do this!" I just wanted to reach out and thank you for your encouragement and support. It was a big transition, and with the help of your advice, we made it through, for the better. Long-time fan and avid reader of your column - and I am now an empty nester.
Wife, Mother & Empty Nester
Related: 'It's a very ugly American trait': I cried foul when basic-economy passengers grabbed premium-economy seats. The airline has finally shown me respect.
Dear Empty Nester,
Your nest sounds the opposite of empty: It's full of satisfaction and joy.
I'm very happy to hear about the resolution to your story. In your initial letter, you sounded stuck. You were trapped in a gilded cage, even if it was a happy one, and all you had to do was open the door to allow your two sons to fly free and find their own way. It's a testament to your years as a single parent who put your children first, but importantly you led by example: You showed your sons how important it was to take control of your life, financially and emotionally, and make sacrifices to give them a headstart in life. They have taken those life lessons to heart.
Most of all, your story is a testament to the power of taking action. Sometimes, all we need to do is act. Changing the family dynamic by initiating a conversation with your sons about finding a place to rent, and standing on their own financially was a big deal. It brings up a lot: the end of an era, the fear - the real fear - that they may view your desire to have you all embark on a new phase of your lives as a kind of rejection or judgment when it was neither of those two things. It was merely the right move at the right time.
There's a lot of debate about the emotional impact of being an empty nester for parents, one that is perhaps exacerbated by parents' exclamations on social media. But at least some of this research shows that parents do quite well after their kids move out. These researchers at the University of Hamburg's Department of Health Economics found that being an "empty nester" (itself a loaded term, given that it points to the lack of something) "is not associated with the psychosocial health of parents in terms of loneliness and depressive symptoms."
The impressions of your recent visit to your sons' apartment are also spot on. This study, published in the journal "Current Psychology," found a link between clutter and procrastination, and other possible negative mental-health outcomes. (Such links in academic sociological research are almost always correlational rather than causational.) In other words, your sons are functioning well, have formed a healthy household, are presumably good team players by upholding their own domestic responsibilities, and are enjoying their new life.
Take a bow to honor all the memories and success that you helped create.
Related: My mother is giving away my late grandmother's jewelry. Is it OK to accept a piece from her collection - and then sell it?
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.
The Moneyist regrets he cannot respond to letters individually.
More columns from Quentin Fottrell:
'I want the calls and letters to stop': My mother died owing $17,000 in credit-card debt. The creditors want their money. Will I have to sell her house?
'We're happily married, mediocre gay men': We're 58, earn $160,000 and saved $2.2 million. We grew up poor. Our families treat us like ATMs. Are we OK?
'I'm sick of dating losers': Are single Americans looking for love online - or money? It's hard to tell the difference.
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-Quentin Fottrell
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10-13-24 1757ET
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